Gross to Great: Halloween Candy Edition
Author: Abbie Giles
Posted October 28th, 2020
Ah, the memories of getting all dressed up and trotting around my neighborhood, begging my neighbors for candy. Some of the fondest I have if I’m honest. As you may know from prior articles, I’m VERY opinionated, and I was even back then. So naturally, I would rank all of my different types of candy. And in honor of Halloween being pretty much cancelled for the poor youngins, I’ll be doing just that. Remember this is, of course, only my opinion, but it’s perfectly fine by me if you take it as fact. I really think I have the authority to do this, though. One time a lady gave me a bag of candied ginger. A sin.
Genuinely Scare Me with Their Flavor
I feel like I’ll lose any of the credibility that I have by ranking Snickers this low, but I’m just not super into ‘em. Maybe it’s because I don’t like peanuts and I don’t think that they should be in anything but peanut butter. Maybe they’re just too overdone. But nevertheless, I give them a solid and unwavering 4/10.
I have yet to meet a person who genuinely enjoys Whoppers. It’s the textural transformation when the innards hit your saliva for me. Every Whopper that I’ve ever eaten has tasted like it was produced in the 1920s. Seriously, explain to me exactly why it sounds like chewing on styrofoam when you crunch it. 2/10
3. Flavored Tootsie Rolls
I don’t even understand why Tootsie Roll had the gall to make this. I don’t like putting things in boxes but stay in your lane, my gosh. They’re just so bad that I truly would rather not think about them. They’re the disappointment of Halloween. I’d argue that they’re just colorful rubber. 0/10
3. Sour Patch Kids
Okay, so please try and tell me that you don’t absolutely adore Sour Patch Kids and every variation of them out there. The strawberry ones are just to die for. I consider Sour Patch Kids, no matter the flavor or shape, to be a genuine Halloween classic. Although I do find the whole cannibalism thing a little odd. 8/10
2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
I’ve seen them called “the perfect alchemy of chocolate and peanut butter,” and I completely agree. Although it does freak me out a bit when they come apart as you peel off the little brown wrapper inside, but if you catch a full one? Oh you’re going to have a real good time. 8/10
A Twix is like a Whopper’s hot older sister. They’re cut from the same cloth, yet somehow they’re so much better. In my opinion, it is the addition of the caramel that makes it. I wish I had a Twix right now, to be honest. I just don’t think many other candies can compete. Now let me ask you, left or right? 10/10